Thoughts on life, God, and the beauty of things...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Faith like a Child


There have been three words on my mind as of late: Child Like Faith. Do any of us really realize what that means? And if we do, do we truly apply it to our lives? What child like faith means is easy, especially for anyone who has ever taken care of or had children. When a child asks for something and you say ‘not yet’, you don’t assume you’ll have to explain why ‘not yet’, just ‘not yet’. You expect the child to trust that you know what’s best for them and that when you say ‘not yet’ it means it is in their best interest. A child doesn’t always understand timing, and health, and money, and the benefit to waiting because their minds have not developed to that point. Their brains have not learnt those concepts so it’s not that you’re holding back information, it’s that you know they won’t fully comprehend the answer. It’s amazing to me how you can tell a child to wait, and depending on the age of the child, they will just say okay. Done. They are now waiting for you to say it’s time. No ands, ifs, or buts. No questions. No doubts, most times... For the most part the child in waiting will either watch what you are doing until whatever they are wanting is ready, or they will go and occupy themselves with something else until you call them; trusting that you will call them when the time is right. Every so often they may come back to you and check in, just in case they have excellent timing and it’s ready, but they trust that you put their request to the top of the list and that you will call them ASAP. Can you imagine how grand life would be if we applied child like faith to our lives concerning God?
The Bible speaks of having faith like children all through the New Testament, and still when God tells me ‘not yet’ I question and I doubt. I once read a quote that says ‘Faith is having doubt, but choosing to believe anyways’. So like that child who periodically comes back to check in, we need to continue to come back to God with our requests, but when the answer is still ‘not yet’ we need to trust that he has our best interests in mind and go back to what we were doing before. We don’t see the big picture, because our minds cannot comprehend; they aren’t developed in that way. So just like a child who hasn’t yet learnt how to comprehend the world, we need to understand that we have not yet learnt how to comprehend the big picture and accept the answers from our Heavenly Father trusting that he has put our request to the top of the list and will call us when it’s time.

They say that I can move the mountains, and send them crashing into the sea.
They say that I can walk on water, if I would follow and believe with faith like a child. –Jars of Clay

‘They’ is Jesus himself. Jesus tells us through The Bible that we can move mountains, literally and figuratively, if we only had the faith to believe. (Matthew 17:20) Mountains! We can move mountains! But we don’t... And sometimes when we try we forget to seek out God’s will in the situation, so that when the figurative mountain doesn’t move we lose faith. Without checking in with God how do we know whether moving that mountain is more detrimental to us then not moving it at all? Not checking in before you move that mountain isn’t having faith in God, it’s more like having faith in yourself. And without God you don’t have the power to move that mountain. It all comes back to not knowing the big picture like God does. If as a child your parents told you to wait and you didn’t, what would happen? Nothing good, I can tell you that much. The food hadn’t been cooked all the way through, the car wasn’t warmed up yet, the movie hadn’t been rewound, you weren’t big enough yet to lift that without dropping it, etc. So now, instead of asking our earthly parents for everything, we ask our Heavenly Father; other than that, is life really any different than it was when you were younger? Except that when the answer is ‘not yet’ you question it, and doubt it, and probably most times ignore it. And we wonder why we live in a world so full of rules and confusion.

Imagine what life would be like with faith like a child. Imagine if you didn’t ignore God’s answers. Imagine if you didn’t question and doubt to the point that you lose your faith. Imagine the faith to move mountains. Life would still be hard, and frustrating, and disappointing, but that’s because of the world in which we live. What child like faith would do for your life is bring you less worry, because God has the answers. It would bring you more joy, happiness, and love, because there’s no need to worry. You wouldn’t have to wonder if you’re doing the right thing, because God would tell you. You would be so caught up in God that if a mountain needed moving, you could move it. I think that by having child like faith you would become more aware of God and what he has for your life, because you would be more focused on hearing what he has to say. And once you are in tune with God, all things are possible.
How have I not been living with child like faith? How have I managed to survive this life without being that close to God? Ah, the key word; survive. Without God you can manage to survive, but with Him you can thrive.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Old Snow


I’m sitting here watching the snow fall out the window. It’s the middle of March. We don’t get snow in the middle of March. But as much as I want the Spring weather and the Summer coming shortly after that, there’s just something about snow that draws me in. It’s so peaceful. I’m reminded of something Max Lucado once said in a book, ‘You need a God who, while so mind-numbingly mighty, can come in the soft of night and touch you with the tenderness of an April snow.’ Snow shows us not only the tenderness of God, but also the pressure of this world. Too much snow and you become weighted down; trees fall, roofs cave in, backs are thrown out trying to shovel it. That’s not to say that God’s gifts are too heavy over time, but that the world we live in takes something good, and turns it into something we can’t handle. You see, that is the goal of the Enemy. Twist everything that is good so that you don’t feel like you can handle it. That way you stop wanting the good and start wanting to be left alone instead, because it’s easier. It may be easier but where is the joy? Where is the excitement? The comfort? Where is the reason for being, the reason for this life at all if it is not in the little gifts that we receive every day? You have to remember to find the beauty, to find what was meant and not what it has become. Like the beauty of the first snow fall, not the weight of the last. The beauty of the first Spring Flower, not the death of it when the season is over. The beauty of a new born babe, not the crying that will follow. Do you see the pattern here?

So when you feel as though life is stuck in the middle of some broken record, remember to stop and look for the beauty around you. It is the beauty that will see you through this life.

I was recently told that joy is a choice. I believe that now more than ever. You don’t have to like where you are in life. You don’t have to like the direction it seems to be taking. You don’t have to be happy every minute of every day. But you have to choose to see the joy, even in the pain. As Barbra Johnson said, ‘We are all going to have pain... but misery is optional.’ The only problem is that misery is definitely the easier option. It doesn’t make life more bearable, better, or worth living, but it is by far easier to find the bad in this life then it is to find the good. Misery is a downward spiral whereas joy is an upward climb; A steep, slippery, jagged, upward climb. Who doesn’t enjoy a good slide compared to a death defying ladder? The problem with misery is that it’s miserable. There is no laughter, no peace, and no beauty. There is truly no point to anything in this world if you don’t have joy. Joy may be that upward climb, but there are plateaus on that climb. Places where we can stop and enjoy the view, revel in what we have accomplished, and regain any lost strength for the next part of our journey.   

So don’t chose misery, choose joy.
The view is worth it more then words could ever say.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Oh, to be perfect


Perfectionism: a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable. Especially:  the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness

Perfectionism and I have a love/hate relationship. I hate feeling like I have to do everything right all the time, but oh how I love that sweet euphoric feeling that comes when something is done right.
Perfectionism should be listed, not as a ‘disposition’, but as a disease. There should be medication for this!! And Meetings!! Hello, my name is Kayla, and I’m a perfectionist.
Okay, maybe the medication thing is going a bit too far... but the meetings might not be such a bad idea.
It has taken me a lot of years to realize that there isn’t a right way for things to be done; there isn’t a right way for life to be lived. If there was then there wouldn’t be such a thing as adventure or creativity, because when something is done the ‘right way’ we already know how it’s going to finish and what it will achieve. There would be nothing new, because the ‘right way’ would have already been found, written down, and perfected.
There are many syndromes to perfectionism, doing things ‘right’ is only the most evident. There is also procrastination (because if I can’t do it right then I might as well avoid it at all costs), an unwillingness to try, and, my favourite, an attempt to do it all. The real problem with all of these is that they go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other, and in the end you tell yourself that you need to do everything and you need to do it better.

I’m reading a book titled bittersweet, by Shauna Niequist. Good book.
There are a couple of things in this book that inspired me regarding my perfectionism, and I would like to share them with my fellow perfectionists.
‘It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about’ – A friend named Denise.
That hit me. I can’t do it all. I’m not supposed to do it all. I wasn’t made to do it all.
If we were made to do it all then we wouldn’t need our family or friends. To be able to do it all would lead to a very unfulfilling, lonely life. Don’t you think? The more I turn these words over in my mind the more I come to the conclusion that a person needs to decide what they truly want out of life.
I don’t mean the big picture; I’m talking about the little things in life. I would love to have a spotless house. Sure I could come home from work every night and clean to my heart’s content to get it and keep it that way... but I also want to finish reading my book collection and visit with my family and friends. I rarely have time for both. For the average person it may not be a hard question to ask at all, but for me its life or death. I know that no matter what I will feel guilty about which ever option I chose. Maybe perfectionism isn’t a disease; it’s a curse.

Miss Shauna made a list. I love lists. I have lists all over the place; in my house, on my computer, in my car, on my phone. They’re so organized and anal-retentive, not to mention fun! If you’re not a list maker, I feel it is my obligation to inform you that you are missing out. Unless of course, you are a perfectionist who doesn’t need one more thing to do, if this is the case disregard that last statement.
So here we go;

Things I Do:
I strive to keep God at my center; as my center. I live by Him and for Him. I believe in his Son, Jesus, and continuously try to focus my all on the Holy Trinity. Spirit, Soul, Body, Heart, Mind, Will. I pray without ceasing and have a continuous conversation with God going at all times. I read the bible, worship through life and music, and try to listen and act on what God would have me do. I work hard to become a better person with each new day. I read; to learn and to escape. I day dream all the time; I cook up stories and go on constant adventures. If I didn’t read or day dream I would lose myself. I often forget piano is just as important to me as my books and dreams, but I always manage to come back to it. I hate working, but I do it anyways (as most of the population I’m sure). I see the world through God’s eyes and the lens of my camera. I constantly try to learn more of both; I take my camera out as much as possible to keep it that way. I give my prayers, time, and talents to close friends and family, and I offer love, understanding, and friendship to most others through fb and periodic coffee meets. I am involved in a book study, a church, and a family. I strive not to be a perfectionist, but end up being a major procrastinator instead, much to my dismay. I stop everything for a good movie; I’m addicted. I try to exercise at least 5 times a week, eat the right things, and stay away from sugar. I will not give up my coffee. (Maybe that should move to the next list...)

Believe it or not I had to sleep on it before I could make this next list. It’s easy to say what you do. There are many things I didn’t put on the last list that I do. Things that I consider basic, like feeding my cat. Obviously I’m going to feed my cat, so why put it on a list? Well, it should have gone on the list because it’s something that I do no matter what else needs to be done. But things I don’t do? How can there be things that I don’t do when I should be able to do everything!?! And with that thought there came the realisation of why I made the second list. To remind myself that I don’t need to do everything; because that would be impossible.

Things I Don’t do:
I don’t keep a spotless house. I aim to keep a clean countertop and no horrible smells in the house. Do I wish I could have a spotless house? Of course!! But right now you get a clean counter, no smells, and once a week I clear off my tables and my floors. I don’t separate my laundry. I don’t make my bed in the morning. I’ve never seen much point to that one; except in the summer time when my dirty cat likes to sleep in it, emphases on in. I don’t bake and I rarely cook. I love both, but there’s no time or need in my life right now. I don’t scrapbook and I don’t cut my pictures up. It feels like I’m killing my pictures when I do. Plus it’s cluttered. I don’t do cluttered. Don’t take that the wrong way; my house is a cluster of clutter. It drives me insane!! But I have nowhere else to hide things, so I deal with it without adding to it... with things like scrapbooks. I try not to spend time with funsuckers or self centered people; I fear for their safety when I do. So instead I send up a quick prayer for them and walk away as fast as I can. I also won’t go around people who make me feel like less then I am. It may take me a bit, but once the realization of who those people are comes, I’m out of there. I don’t hang around people I dislike, not because of them, but because I know I’ll say something horrible and it’s not fair to them. They didn’t do anything... usually.
I don’t always say the right thing. I try, but what I say isn’t always taken how I mean it and I don’t understand in what way it has been taken in order to explain how I meant it. Hence why I prefer fb to phone calls; it’s safer. I don’t do crowds, I don’t do loud noise, (unless it’s good music), and I definitely do not do both together. I don’t arrive on time. It’s not a conscious carelessness or a lack of trying; I simply never finish anything as quickly as I think I will, and forget everything else so I am required to run back into the house at least once, but usually twice.  

As painful as it was to write these lists, and as much as I try to perfect them every time I look at them, it was worth it. These are my daily reminders of what is and is not important to me. They remind me that I don’t have to do it all; after all, I’m only human.